昨天晚上
姐姐突然提到说
妈妈要去领结婚证
我嘴巴张的很大 没有合住
这么大的一件事情
我这个做儿子的之前却并没有察觉到
我只是知道母亲始终无法放得下自己的感情
自从父亲去世之后
这么多年里
她总是为了我和姐姐在辛苦的工作着
从来没有为自己做什么
而我也并没有为母亲想过
以为她已经习惯了一个人的生活
其实事实并不是这样

去年的时候
母亲认识了现在这个让她愿意托付后半生的男人
我不知道是因为什么
让母亲在思想上有这么大的改变
慢慢的产生了感情

我现在的心情
我自己都无法感觉到
不过 我还是为了妈妈而高兴
毕竟可以为属于自己幸福的东西而争取

Allan的邮件内容：
>一点一点跟着我的是午后的太阳
>
>
>回家的人群 涌起了声音
>只是我没有家 只有一个酒店的房间
>我是安静的  他们走的真快 我在数他们走过了几格栅栏透过来的影子
>
>我不再讲什么珍贵了
>很多点滴对我来说 就是点滴 再抓得紧也会从指缝里漏掉
>大颗的东西如星星一样大 奢望过吗？
>
>无法定格下来 此时一秒彼时忘掉 哪怕是在神奇 的瑜伽 常常忘了动作 跳进音乐里 不声不响
>时常我在酒店的小房间里会发呆 分不清眼前的是 上海这个繁华城市还是黑漆漆的海洋
>
>
>
>夜店里喝酒 看着狂欢的人们 我紧闭着嘴巴
>
>不总是孤单的 当两个人或者更多人在一起时 孤单就是冰冷机器手臂 随时想扼断我的喉骨 
>
>好久不曾落泪 看话剧 因为太闹 仍不讲 日你妈的 操你大爷
>
>飞里回海边 行李扔一地 在阳台上 数海里的渔船 一点渔火 一点渔火 只到什么也看不见
>
>
>这没有什么不好 就象昨天也没有什么不对一样
>
>生日明天就要来了
>你会微笑的祝福我 是吗？

思考的过程远远超过一秒钟
因为刹那间我看到的很多很多
无论是自己的自私 软弱还是虚伪
还是自己的欲望挣扎
在此刻都如针一般刺痛我的心灵

忍耐
呻吟
总是无法得到释放
所以慢慢的积淀下来的这些杂质
污染着一片宁静的心空

愿意或者不愿意
都必须面对
因为这就是属于你的

不想让自己放弃生活中的点点滴滴
因为我知道我能得到的都是弥足珍贵
生活中的每个画面总是定格在某个瞬间
让我感动 回味
眼前的这一切 似乎是梦境 但又比梦境真实很多很多
曾经的羞涩 虚伪 放纵
在阳光下慢慢的暴露 直至被彻底的融化
突然间
释然 真实 洒脱
伴随着自己的年轮
一圈 一圈
烙下痕迹

今天是姐姐的生日
还记得去年的今天
心爱的他和我一起为姐姐庆祝了生日 姐姐的男友当时也还在
当时也是我刚刚出柜的一个星期

一年之后的今天
没有想到
发生了这么多事情
生日的祝福已经被这白茫茫的雪淹没了
姐姐的男友离开了人世
或许好好的活着是对他最大的慰藉
还好 属于自己的爱情仍然停留在原处

为我祝福
为我身边的亲人和爱人祝福
在这个飘雪的春天
不许悲伤

她回复我的邮件内容：
im really thankful that you're so open to me and willing to share what is
going on with your life, actually it's your privacy. i feel so horned being
treatly so honestly by you. i really appreciate it and cherish it.
but to be honest, and to stand at the ground of truth which i believe now.
it's inapropriate behevior in His low; and its clearly said in the Book that
it's a sin just as other sins, like bitterness, selfishness, greed, lying,
cheating, unholiness, slander, adultry, hatred,evilness. I hesitate to tell
you at first because i am afraid that you will feel offensive by what i
said. and you may think im too prideful to point out you're not doing the
right thing, and who am i to point fingers at you. The fact is I'm not
saying this to rebuke you or despise at you; i say it just because i want to
be honest with you and bring what is the best to you---that is to share what
the truth is. We're all sinners. Since we've been talking about my belief
for a long time, and basically we're just sharing what the life should be,
what the meaning of life. And even we talked about the sinfulness of human
beings, we never shared and touched the topic of gay matters. If i weren't a
C, i would think gay love is nothing wrong. But He shows that just as other
sins we have, like i mentioned above. The reason why i say it is I want to
be totally honest with you about the truth i used to feel sensitive to talk
to you. But since you're my close friend, my closest guy friend, keeping the
truth from you is not what a good friend should do. I just want to let you
know what i think about your sex orientation based on the law. But opinions
differences sexual orientation will not affect what i think towards you, it
will not influence on my itimate relationship and my respect toward you. And
i know no one can push others to walk the same way as theirs, and also no
one is qualified to force people to do that. because we're all the same, no
one is better than the other. So i just put this onto God's hand that He
will gradually show you that He is real and we're all sinned.
  I hope you can understand what i said, cuz you really want me to be honest
with you and tell you truely what think---so this is what i think. Im sure
it's not the answer you expect but it's my sincere words.
    i hope to talk to you soon too. hopefully you're still willing to share
with me and talk with you, but not ignore me.